11. How to Deal with Loneliness: The Silent Pandemic of 21st Century

(...continued)

(The Seeker was sitting on a park bench, scrolling through social media with a frown, deeply engrossed in his phone. Mr. Attitude observed him for a long time before finally deciding to speak up.)

Mr. Attitude: "Isn't it ironic how everyone is so connected nowadays, yet every man has become an island? We’re all like turtles locked up in our own shells, in our own bubbles of life."

The Seeker: (startled out of his trance) "What? Yeah, it’s weird. Despite all the connections, I feel more alone than ever."

Mr. Attitude: "Being alone is not a problem but do you feel lonely?"

The Seeker: "Yeah, I guess ...sometimes more than usual. But isn't loneliness an inevitable part of everyone's life now?"

Mr. Attitude: (smiles slightly) "Well others are not my friend. You are. So let’s talk about you."

The Seeker: "Okay .... Tell me then...is there a way out of this chronic sense of being aloof despite being in the midst of a mob? A way to Deal with Loneliness?"

Mr. Attitude: (pauses to think) "Alright. Mankind took millions of years to go from a tribal social structure to a joint family setup for human society.

But the disintegration from joint family to nuclear family, and then to single-parent family, took barely past 70-80 years. The mind-boggling technological transformation has violated the age-old dictum of 'No man is an island.' Technology has widened the generation gap so much that a sense of loneliness has started engulfing individuals as young as 12 years old. It’s even happening in cohesive societies like India."

The Seeker: "Yes, I can see that. Even my 13-year-old feels it sometimes."

Mr. Attitude: "With time and age, things only go downhill from there, with a progressively intensifying sense of being 'all by yourself' in the big bad toxic world. The cut-throat competition for careers, unstable relationships, and the dopamine-mediated momentary highs of social media all work together to induce an ever-deepening experience of 'void of loneliness.'"

The Seeker: "It’s like an invisible pandemic."

Mr. Attitude: "Exactly. Neuroscientists, psychologists, and sociologists express great concern over this 'Invisible Pandemic.' It’s giving rise to increasing cases of substance abuse and suicides, especially in the western hemisphere, with rising incidents in India as well. However, the relatively more cohesive Indian social structure has managed to keep this issue largely at bay in tier two and tier three cities. But the metropolitan tier-one urban areas are a different story."

The Seeker: "So, what can one do?"

Mr. Attitude: "First and foremost, you must not underestimate the gravity of this problem. It affects all areas of life because we are social animals. A 35-year long Harvard Medical School study concluded that the happiest people are those surrounded by a healthy circle of relationships. Human connection and emotional bonding are essential for our physical and mental well-being."

The Seeker: "It must be. That makes sense. And yet more and more people feel more and more lonely more and more often !! "

Mr. Attitude: "That's because ordinary people need a social circle. If you consider yourself ordinary, you should increase your social circle by networking and finding 4-5 people who match your frequency. However, if you consider yourself extraordinary, you must confront this so called 'fundamental need' head-on and flip it to your advantage."

The Seeker: "How can loneliness be an advantage?"

Mr. Attitude: "The curse of loneliness is actually a blessing in disguise for those who aspire to achieve something big. Indian texts have always talked about the significance of being alone for both spiritual and material achievements. The transformation you need is a journey from loneliness to 'seclusion,' which differs only in how you perceive being alone."

The Seeker: "Uhun... I see..."

Mr. Attitude: "You see ... being alone is a flawed way of saying 'being with yourself.' If you feel uncomfortable being alone, it means you're not a good company for yourself. And if you can't be good company for yourself, you can't be good company for others either. You need to work on becoming a good companion to yourself."

The Seeker: "And .... how do I do that?"

Mr. Attitude: "Think about what a bad company is. A friend who distracts you from your goals, discourages you, bullies you, makes you feel inferior, and ruins your relationships is bad company. If you're like that towards yourself, it's no wonder you're left alone. But if you're not like that and still feel lonely, it means you don't have a dream big enough to consume you."

The Seeker: "A big dream?"

Mr. Attitude: "Yes. The day you have such a dream, you'll proactively pursue seclusion. You'll insist people leave you alone so you can work on your dreams, plan, organize, and execute your vision. In that moment, you'll realize 'Sheep need company. Tigers don't.'"

The Seeker: "That’s profound."

Mr. Attitude: "Indeed. Now, it’s time for you to start working on being a good company for yourself and finding that big dream. Remember, the journey from loneliness to seclusion begins with understanding yourself better."

The Seeker: "You have turned the whole thing upside down for me...in a good way."

Mr. Attitude: "Happy to help."

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FAQs

Q: Is loneliness really as big a problem as people say it is?

A: Yes, loneliness is a significant issue in the 21st century. It's often referred to as an "invisible pandemic" due to its widespread impact. Studies, including a 35-year-long Harvard Medical School research, have shown that loneliness can negatively affect both mental and physical health.

Q: Why do I feel lonely even when I'm surrounded by people?

A: Feeling lonely in a crowd is common in our hyper-connected world. Despite social media and constant communication, many people experience a lack of deep, meaningful connections. It's not about the quantity of interactions, but their quality.

Q: How can I expand my social circle to combat loneliness?

A: If you consider yourself an "ordinary" person, networking and finding 4-5 people who match your frequency can help. This could involve joining clubs, attending events, or using social apps to meet like-minded individuals.

Q: Is there a way to turn loneliness into something productive?

A: Yes, loneliness can be transformed into productive solitude or "seclusion." This involves changing your perception of being alone. Instead of seeing it as a negative state, view it as an opportunity for self-reflection, personal growth, and working towards your goals.

Q: How can I become comfortable with being alone?

A: Start by becoming good company for yourself. This means treating yourself with kindness, pursuing interests that fulfil you, and working towards personal goals. If you're uncomfortable being alone, it might indicate that you need to work on your relationship with yourself.

Q: How to combat loneliness?

A: Having a big dream or goal can help combat loneliness by giving you a sense of purpose. When you're passionate about something, you may find that you actually seek out solitude to work on your vision, transforming loneliness into productive alone time.

Q: How has technology contributed to the loneliness epidemic?

A: While technology has increased connectivity, it has also widened generation gaps and often replaced deep, in-person interactions with superficial online ones. The dopamine-driven highs of social media can create a false sense of connection while actually increasing feelings of isolation.

Q: Are there any cultural differences in how loneliness is experienced?

A: Yes, the experience of loneliness can vary across cultures. For instance, the blog mentions that in India, the more cohesive social structure in tier two and three cities has somewhat mitigated the loneliness epidemic, while metropolitan areas face challenges similar to Western countries.